“Eden is that old-fashioned House
We dwell in every day
Without suspecting our abode
Until we drive away.

How fair on looking back, the Day
We sauntered from the Door –
Unconcious our returning,
But discover it no more.”

-Emily Dickinson

Wow this is such a true to life poem (aren’t they all?). I’ve been living at my father’s house for the past two weeks with my son until our apartment is finally ready (October sometime…YAY!). Although it is abolutely fantastic to be there, it just brings so much stuff back. I hated living there (the first couple of times lol), and only ever focused on the negative, but now as time has passed and everything has changed, I long for just one more day to go back to my childhood (preferrably the summer time) and laze around the house, maybe go outside on the swing set or in the kiddie pool, pulls some carrotts out of the garden when I don’t think my mother is looking and wash them off in the pool and eat them!

For all the time that I’ve spent complaining (and I’m sure I’ve got quite the logs on here!!), I just wish that I could have been greatful at the time for at least a moment. I am more than greatful now and hope that I can continue to practice this gratitude and put it toward everything I do. I am a very lucky person; I’ve got great friends, a family who loves me, and the world’s best boy. Anything else is just icing on the cake.

I lost a rose quartz in my bed this morning

I slept with it under my pillow because I'm trying to work on this whole self-love thing, but I forgot it was there and when I was making my bed this morning I must have flung it accross the room or something because it's gone.

So, if you lose a crystal that promotes self-love, does that mean that you should prepare yourself for some intense self hatred? LOL! I love asking these questions to the more serious new age people. They don't get that I'm joking yet. I love it too that some are sooooo hard core and serious about it too, just like with any other type of religion. You'd think that something labled "New Age" would be more laid back. Unfortunately that is not the case.

Anyway, this laptop is starting to annoy me so I'm going to have to type something up at work and email it to myself.

until next time!

ughhhhhhhh full out facebook chat war..............

where is my sidekick? he should be fighting this battle with me!!!!!

Why does the craziest shit happen when I'm by myself?

Oooh this is so true!! Do you know what I saw today? I was driving home to my dad's house and there's an elderly man driving on the street, not even the sidewalk, a hover-round or whatever they're called and he's going super slow and he's got an engineer's cap on. Hilarious. It just struck me so funny and yeah now that I type it out, it's kinda dumb, but at the time it was hilarious. An engineer's cap...come on! on a hoveround!!!

Anyway it just struck me funny and then I came to the sad realization that I always see funny and fucked up shit when I'm alone. I don't even want to be in a relationship other than for the fact that you'll always have someone there just to be like "OMG, did you just see that?!!!" And then laugh about it.

And you wouldn't have to post about it later and then go, yeah you're right a guy on a motorized wheel chair with an engineer's cap on, isn't really that funny. Because you'd have that person there in the moment where it's actually kind of funny.

God, I think I just need a sidekick or something. Someone to hang out with me every second weekend when Billy has Seth. Cause Seth wasn't even with me today. That would have been alright. He would have laughed along just because I was, so he is in fact, the perfect sidekick, but I'd like to have a fill in for his days off. And it has to be a disposable sidekick. Like when I arrive at my destination, you can just go home and leave me be, unless otherwise directed.

I might put out a job add for it. Side kick needed, pays nothing. Must have same sense of humor as I do. Must like to snuggle (just in case I feel the need). Will go away whenever I want you to without your feelings getting hurt and ready to return whenever I call you up. Please list competition number 246843-1241.5654 in subject line.