In the Know

So here I am at Tanner's Haven sitting behind a desk as bronze and as golden as ever on the verge of tears. There really is no need for it. There never was a need for it, yet all I can do is sit here and feel completely horrible. Lonliness, self-pity, self-annoyance, longing, strandedness, insanity. It's this melting pot of emotion that produces the blank face and empty eyes staring from the desk. I have no desire to talk about the weather or lotions.

Let me go back my yellow space down the hall, the first door sans lock to your left. This is my utopic escape, as box-sized and cluttered as it may be. Here I weep. Nobody will ask me questions and the need for explanation does not exist. I can close myself off and hide and cry and cry and then finally be whisped away to a place where these feelings do not exist.

The moment the crying stops, I am hard working and I believe, actually believe that anything can be accomplished. And then, I wake up and bike to the salon.

I call my friends and tell them that I've never been better and that living at home is the best idea that I've ever had.

And then, I sit behind a desk as bronze and as golden as ever on the verge of tears.

And there really is no need for it.