Oh the sketchy-ness of my life

I'm feeling kinda shady here. I'm not actually. I just wanted to say shady as well as sketchy. C'mon. Big City. Solid Gold.

Funnest weekend in a while. Thursday night, I drank one and a half pitchers. That's right me. And I got to party with Raj. I love Raj. Wicked. Big city.

Friday night, Jimmy's birthday, drunk again. Two beers. Matthew Chandler Sobers Music Solid Gold

Saturday night. Super fun good times. C'mon. Lots of fun at two house parties with Brent and Taylor and then off to Myron's and then to the boys house for the drama of the weekend. Lots of drinks, can't even count em.Have you ever funelled out of a ketchup bottle? C'mon

Can't stop saying C'mon, or Big City, or Solid Gold. And plush is stuck in my head.
Frig. good times. Insert inside comment from either one of the nights here:

I'll pretend I forget everything if you pretend to. Deal?

Right now, I feel like I'm the stupidest person on the face of the planet. I really do and I shouldn't. I am totally in love with someone, and it won't stop. I have sacrificed much, mostly by means of living situations, to make things work for a relationship where I was the only one in love. That's why I feel had.

Thoughts keep racing through my head and they won't stop. When was the last time he actually did mean that he loved me? I thought that it was my duty to let him know how I felt. I told him that even though we were broken up, he was still one of the greatest people that I knew. I thanked him for every moment shared and all of the help that he has given me. And now I wonder if the whole time I was thanking him for such a great relationship, was he thinking about how much better that other girl was in bed.

Did I not deserve the simple gift of time? We shared two and a half years of our lives. Why couldn't he wait? Am I crazy to think that it's a little on the disrespectful side? Especially when I heard about it from someone else. How can he face me and ask me for hugs and ask me to hang out with him, knowing full well that I would be completely and utterly devastated. He told me that he still loved me very much as a friend, yet there's no respect in that relationship.

I'm confused. Part of me says to get over it, but I am so hurt. If he had not gone on and pretended to me that everything in the relationship was fine and swell and if the break up wasn't so out of the blue, then maybe this wouldn't have been so bad. I didn't expect a thing. I am so stupid, but where were the signs?

I've never known this kind of pain. It really hurts and I have nobody to open up to. He was the only person in which I found comfort talking to. I am sad and hurt beyond repair. The only thing that I want in this world right now is him, and that is the hardest part. What I wouldn't do right now to be in his arms with him telling me that everything is going to be okay. Why don't things ever work out my way?

Although you do not have my approval and I am still deeply hurt, I forgive you. I still feel like the stupidest person on the face of the earth. I hope she was worth it.

Totally heartbroken in every sense of the word.
Wishing on every eyelash, every 11:11, every star.
Pointless.

Coincidence

Three break ups in three consecutive days and then one a week later and you want me to believe that it was not planned.